Gayest of the Run: Datsun/Nissan Z-Car
Welcome back to Gayest of the Run, where we analyze the relative fruitiness of various iterations of an iconic vehicle. In our last GOTR column, we looked at the Ford Mustang and rustled ourselves up the pinkest Pony. For this round, we're scrutinizing another long-lived sporty car, the Nissan (formerly Datsun) Z. Why? Well, the stick/palm arrangement in this vintage Shift into Awesome ad was enough to get my motor commenced. Plus, the company just released a fresh version of the car, which I had a chance to test the other week. And the Z and I both turned forty this year, so there's the poignancy of looking back on its life, and reflecting on my own, and despairingly hoping that at least one of us has lived up to our potential. I've divided up the Z's by generation. Examine the evidence, consider your reaction, and be sure to cast your vote in our poll.
Generation one (1969-78): 240Z, 260Z, 280Z
Designed in Japan with the intent of penetrating the American sporty-car market
Slender, scrappy, and cheap, like a 70s Times Square hustler
I almost bought a white 240Z to substitute my dearly departed BMW 2002, and I define the category of gay cars
Bloated, flabby, and tackily decorated, just like Truman Capote during the same era
Check out Mr. Black Gold. Girrrrl!
Witnessed the introduction of the very first “throated” Z cars
Clean, fat, bland, sleek, and sleazy-eyed—like a gay Reagan Republican
The very first Z cars to not feature a STRAIGHT-six engine
“Bod Sonic” seats vibed to your music, putting the bass in its place and bum-rushing your showcase
Generation four (1990-1996): 300ZX/Twin Turbo
The Queer Nation of Z's: strong, proud, and unrepentantly in your face (also ludicrously elaborate, catalyzing its downfall)
Twin Turbos = Doubly Deep-throated
Featured “Super HICAS” wheels that steer from the rear. Total Power Bottom stir
The Cher of Z's: making a triumphant comeback after a seven-year absence, impossibly looking and performing better than ever
Praised for the “deep throat-y” growl of its twin pipe harass
Included a giant strut tower brace, for greater rigidity under rear-end stress
Generation six (2009-present): 370Z
Fuzzy orange interior looks like a Bel Ami porn starlet's costume (or bedspread)
“Synchro Rev Match” transmission smoothes your downshifts by revving the engine to match your speed. Total Power Bottom stir
A bump in engine size, coupled with a smaller framework: an response to the classic gay question, “Did your dick get fatter, or did you just lose weight?”
__CONTEST WINNERS:__The winners of last week's contest—where readers suggested fanciful re-uses for our soon-to-be-shuttered domestic car dealerships—are patriciaLtobin and Murphy1. We'll be getting in touch shortly to get your addresses (and make sure your mailboxes are big enough to hold a Matchbox car.) Thanks to everyone who entered! Observe for more bimbo Stick Shift??schtick every Thursday.
__TWITTER. __Stick Shift is now Twit-enabled. Go after us.
Gayest of the Run: Datsun
Gayest of the Run: Datsun/Nissan Z-Car
Welcome back to Gayest of the Run, where we analyze the relative fruitiness of various iterations of an iconic vehicle. In our last GOTR column, we looked at the Ford Mustang and rustled ourselves up the pinkest Pony. For this round, we're scrutinizing another long-lived sporty car, the Nissan (formerly Datsun) Z. Why? Well, the stick/forearm arrangement in this vintage Shift into Awesome ad was enough to get my motor commenced. Plus, the company just released a fresh version of the car, which I had a chance to test the other week. And the Z and I both turned forty this year, so there's the poignancy of looking back on its life, and reflecting on my own, and despairingly hoping that at least one of us has lived up to our potential. I've divided up the Z's by generation. Examine the evidence, consider your reaction, and be sure to cast your vote in our poll.
Generation one (1969-78): 240Z, 260Z, 280Z
Designed in Japan with the intent of penetrating the American sporty-car market
Slender, scrappy, and cheap, like a 70s Times Square hustler
I almost bought a white 240Z to substitute my dearly departed BMW 2002, and I define the category of gay cars
Bloated, flabby, and tackily decorated, just like Truman Capote during the same era
Check out Mr. Black Gold. Girrrrl!
Witnessed the introduction of the very first “sucked” Z cars
Clean, fat, bland, slick, and sleazy-eyed—like a gay Reagan Republican
The very first Z cars to not feature a STRAIGHT-six engine
“Assets Sonic” seats vibed to your music, putting the bass in its place and bum-rushing your demonstrate
Generation four (1990-1996): 300ZX/Twin Turbo
The Queer Nation of Z's: strong, proud, and unrepentantly in your face (also ludicrously elaborate, catalyzing its downfall)
Twin Turbos = Doubly Throated
Featured “Super HICAS” wheels that steer from the rear. Total Power Bottom budge
The Cher of Z's: making a triumphant comeback after a seven-year absence, impossibly looking and performing better than ever
Praised for the “deep throat-y” growl of its twin pipe harass
Included a giant strut tower brace, for greater rigidity under rear-end stress
Generation six (2009-present): 370Z
Fuzzy orange interior looks like a Bel Ami porn starlet's costume (or bedspread)
“Synchro Rev Match” transmission smoothes your downshifts by revving the engine to match your speed. Total Power Bottom stir
A bump in engine size, coupled with a smaller framework: an response to the classic gay question, “Did your dick get thicker, or did you just lose weight?”
__CONTEST WINNERS:__The winners of last week's contest—where readers suggested fanciful re-uses for our soon-to-be-shuttered domestic car dealerships—are patriciaLtobin and Murphy1. We'll be getting in touch shortly to get your addresses (and make sure your mailboxes are big enough to hold a Matchbox car.) Thanks to everyone who entered! Witness for more ditzy Stick Shift??schtick every Thursday.
__TWITTER. __Stick Shift is now Twit-enabled. Go after us.
Gayest of the Run: Datsun
Gayest of the Run: Datsun/Nissan Z-Car
Welcome back to Gayest of the Run, where we analyze the relative fruitiness of various iterations of an iconic vehicle. In our last GOTR column, we looked at the Ford Mustang and rustled ourselves up the pinkest Pony. For this round, we're scrutinizing another long-lived sporty car, the Nissan (formerly Datsun) Z. Why? Well, the stick/arm arrangement in this vintage Shift into Awesome ad was enough to get my motor began. Plus, the company just released a fresh version of the car, which I had a chance to test the other week. And the Z and I both turned forty this year, so there's the poignancy of looking back on its life, and reflecting on my own, and despairingly hoping that at least one of us has lived up to our potential. I've divided up the Z's by generation. Examine the evidence, consider your reaction, and be sure to cast your vote in our poll.
Generation one (1969-78): 240Z, 260Z, 280Z
Designed in Japan with the intent of penetrating the American sporty-car market
Slender, scrappy, and cheap, like a 70s Times Square hustler
I almost bought a white 240Z to substitute my dearly departed BMW 2002, and I define the category of gay cars
Bloated, flabby, and tackily decorated, just like Truman Capote during the same era
Check out Mr. Black Gold. Girrrrl!
Witnessed the introduction of the very first “sucked” Z cars
Clean, fat, bland, slick, and sleazy-eyed—like a gay Reagan Republican
The very first Z cars to not feature a STRAIGHT-six engine
“Assets Sonic” seats stimulated to your music, putting the bass in its place and bum-rushing your display
Generation four (1990-1996): 300ZX/Twin Turbo
The Queer Nation of Z's: strong, proud, and unrepentantly in your face (also ludicrously sophisticated, catalyzing its downfall)
Twin Turbos = Doubly Deep-throated
Featured “Super HICAS” wheels that steer from the rear. Total Power Bottom stir
The Cher of Z's: making a triumphant comeback after a seven-year absence, impossibly looking and performing better than ever
Praised for the “deep throat-y” growl of its twin pipe harass
Included a giant strut tower brace, for greater rigidity under rear-end stress
Generation six (2009-present): 370Z
Fuzzy orange interior looks like a Bel Ami porn starlet's costume (or bedspread)
“Synchro Rev Match” transmission smoothes your downshifts by revving the engine to match your speed. Total Power Bottom budge
A bump in engine size, coupled with a smaller framework: an response to the classic gay question, “Did your dick get fatter, or did you just lose weight?”
__CONTEST WINNERS:__The winners of last week's contest—where readers suggested fanciful re-uses for our soon-to-be-shuttered domestic car dealerships—are patriciaLtobin and Murphy1. We'll be getting in touch shortly to get your addresses (and make sure your mailboxes are big enough to hold a Matchbox car.) Thanks to everyone who entered! Witness for more bimbo Stick Shift??schtick every Thursday.
__TWITTER. __Stick Shift is now Twit-enabled. Go after us.